Mystical Truths Podcast
Welcome to Mystical Truths Podcast.
A show about how the core truths of life can unlock the relief and ease we all want. No fluff. Just honest, relaxed talks about "the stuff of life", intuition, happiness, calming your mind, life now, life after life, LOA, your inner being, and so much more.
Hosted by Rebecca Troup, an accomplished teacher and intuitive life coach.
In each episode, Rebecca shares life-changing insights, stories, and guidance about why we are here and how to navigate this big world. She invites questions from guests and all who are curious.
In this accelerated time of change and conflicting information, the truths really can set you free! Let's unlock your world.
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Mystical Truths Podcast
Did I Make the Right Caregiving Decisions?!?
Our guest Kim shares her intense journey through the labyrinth of caregiving and decision-making during her Aunt Ro's final days. Kim's story is a raw and touching testament to the enduring spirit of a woman who overcame a lifetime marked by hardship, finding solace in faith and self-improvement. We'll explore the emotional weight of decision-making in times of crisis, the guilt that often accompanies it, and the quest for assurance that we're doing the right thing.
Hospital visits during a pandemic add another layer of complexity to an already emotional process. Our discussion transitions to the intimate experiences shared around Aunt Ro's hospital bed and the extraordinary comfort drawn from spiritual practices and signs.
As we wrap up our conversation, we immerse ourselves in the concept of death as a transformation, not a conclusion. Kim's reflections help us recognize the beauty in the transitions of those we love and the idea that each soul's departure is a solitary but supported passage. This episode is an invitation to look for the 'honey' in life's most challenging situations.
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Audiorezout. 14.Be Happy.mp3
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Welcome to the Mystical Truths podcast. This is Rebecca, and I'm really glad you're here. Let's unlock your world. I asked Kim to join us and share her journey and her concerns around her aunt's passing because there's a lot to consider in her story and I think that her experience and her questions will not only be helpful to those of you who may be experiencing something similar right now, but also those of you who have already experienced it or will at some point. So welcome Kim. Thank you very much for being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you, rebecca, I appreciate you having me.
Speaker 1:When you first reached out to me, it was about the concerns that you had around your aunt's passing, but also the guilt and the unshoreness about some of it. So take us to where that started, especially where your concerns started. What made you reach out to me and say help?
Speaker 2:There were some things that had occurred during my aunt's transition period. There were some things that I just needed to have reassurance of. I was her medical power of attorney and I had to make a lot of medical decisions for her in the end and you're never sure, there's no go-to book that you can make the right decision, so you do what you can, knowing what you have at the time. So when she passed on, I was concerned, I felt horribly guilty that maybe I made some of the wrong decisions. Some things had occurred that I think there were messages to me that said no, you didn't, and I just wanted clarification and reassurance on that.
Speaker 1:You're definitely not the only one, or even just one of few, that has not only been through the experience, but had those questions and had those concerns. Let's go backwards a little bit. This is about your aunt. Who was how old when she was?
Speaker 2:passing, she was just. She was 89 and a half, she was almost 90.
Speaker 1:And, like you said, you were her main caretaker, the decision maker. And why was it just you? Why were you the? This is your aunt, so was it your mother or your father?
Speaker 2:It was my mother's sister, and to understand someone's death you kind of have to understand their life. Is it okay if I go back and just tell you a little bit about her life and how things came to be?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, is that okay, please do so. She grew up very poor. She grew up her dad worked, but they still didn't have a lot of money. She was the oldest of a large sibling group and this was a time when they didn't have like support services, you know, like welfare or food stamps, and so oftentimes they went hungry, they, they would have one meal a day, and when I say meal, I don't mean like a big, huge meal, I mean like a sandwich kind of thing. Her parents were very physically abusive to all of their children. Her father was sexually abusive to her and all of his daughters, and that was confirmed by all the siblings. So she grew up really having a hard, tough life.
Speaker 2:She was Catholic her whole life. She, her faith was very, very important to her, and that comes into play, you know, later, when she passed, she would go to church every Sunday, she would pray the rosary every day. She would go to Bible study once a week, but she wasn't like the kind of person that was like, well, this is the right way, you have to do what I do. It was just that Catholicism resonated with her. So that's what she did. But you know, she ended up marrying a Jewish man. Her daughter followed Buddhist teachings and she was fine with all of that. She was like you know what works for you, you know it was fine with her. So when she got older you know I said she was like very hungry, and they were they're growing up they barely had enough food. She ended up overeating, over compensating, so she was very, very heavy later in life. Her husband ended up dying when they were in their mid fifties and then two years later her adult son died unexpectedly and then about 20 years later, her, her daughter, died unexpectedly and then six weeks after that her mother died.
Speaker 2:So she knew loss. She knew suffering and pain. She had a condition that caused chronic pain and so she was in chronic pain for like the last 10 years of her life. And in her seventies she decided that one of the things that would help with the pain at least helped deter the progression of her condition was if she lost weight.
Speaker 2:So when she was in her seventies she took it upon herself to really take care of herself. Like that's when she got the point. She was like I'm going to take care of me and she watched what she ate. She didn't follow program or anything, but she watched what she ate. She lived in a senior citizen high rise, and so she had an apartment building and there was a long hallway outside of her apartment. She would go out there and she would just walk up and down the hallway and she started. She could manage twice with her walker and then she kept going and she got up to 10, 10 laps up and down her hallway. It took her well over a year but she lost over 100 pounds in her seventies, you know, just doing that.
Speaker 2:So she was a determined woman. She was very much independent. She wanted to keep her independence for as long as she could. So that's kind of how I got to take care of her is that a lot of her family members had died and there was really nobody else and I didn't. Really I wasn't very close to her early in my life, but I was later in my life.
Speaker 2:She was very loving, sweet person. She was fiercely independent. She drove until she was 87. And she kept saying to me when I, I will tell you when I need to quit driving. A lot of people say that. So you know you're like, okay, sure, but I kept her eye on her and she would go to the ophthalmologist and come back and give me her report. The doctor says my eyes are good for another year. And you know she. And then one time she said we need to go out to lunch. So we went out to lunch and she said to me, started crying and she said I need to stop driving. I know it's time now and she's like please sell my car for me.
Speaker 2:And it was very hard for her to give up that independence but she did. She was right. She knew when she couldn't do it anymore, so she was with it. She made good decisions. Like I said, she lived in the senior high rise and she friends throughout the building and that was one of the reasons why she could live independently is because she lived in one of these places. They all look out for each other. It was wonderful and the building manager looked out for and the maintenance man looked out. You know they were a group and that's how she was able to stay independent, because she fought really hard to stay out of a wheelchair and really hard to stay out of a nursing facility.
Speaker 2:She loved angels, like she had angels everywhere in her apartment and I mean all kinds like cherubes and statues and magnets and pictures and different colored angels and some of them she bought, but a lot of them people gave her and she valued the fact that someone gave her a gift and she would keep it. So if your version of heaven was, you walk in and there's angels everywhere, that's what it was like to walk into her apartment and she just, and she loved every one of them. You know she and she said she's like everybody has a guardian angel and she had a name for her angel and it was Michael. It was just her guardian angel and his name happened to be Michael and it wasn't her father's name or her husband's name. I don't know where she got this name, she just knew that his name was Michael.
Speaker 2:So when she gave up driving, my brother and I and my husband helped take care of her. I mean, she was very independent but she did have some needs. So we would take her out shopping and you know she would take the access bus as much as she could to her doctor's appointments, but there were times when she couldn't, you know, the schedule wasn't working or whatever, and she would ask either me or my brother, or, more so, my brother to take her because his schedule was more flexible than mine and they would go out to breakfast together and she's like you take me shopping and I'll treat you to breakfast, or you know, and so they would always, and sometimes they would just go to breakfast on their own, just because they wanted to kind of visit with one another. So that's kind of the background story on her, which I do promise all of that comes into play later when I tell you the story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, so at some point it was time.
Speaker 2:It takes place in the summer of 2020. So for all of us who lived through the year 2020, we know it was just a crazy and challenging year and the best of situations it was. In the summer I get a call and it was the hospital and they said that she had called the ambulance and so she had gotten to the point where she was in so much pain. She was in this chronic pain condition. Like I said, it was at least 10 years of her life and she couldn't move and for her to call the ambulance on her own was a big deal. She avoided that at all costs. So I knew she was in pain and she had a very, very high tolerance for pain. So this was pretty serious.
Speaker 2:So at the time, in 2020, I mean we're at the height of the pandemic at this point they only could have one caregiver for per patient. They were very stringent on the rules Emergency contact person. So they called me and I go down and they were trying to get a handle on her pain and she was there for three weeks and usually they give her like a epidural, but this time they couldn't. There was like some medical conditions they couldn't and I was begging them. I'm like, give her up a drill, kind of band-aids it, for a while, until she, you know, until the next time. And they were adjusting her medications and there was just a lot going on and I would go down every day after work to see her, because I was the only one that could and I didn't want her to be too lonely. And then they said, well, there's nothing we can do for her, but we want to get her into rehab, because it's been three weeks she's been in the hospital. We want to get her stronger.
Speaker 2:And so I said, well, can she stay here? Because, again, this is the height of the pandemic. And they said, well, no, we'll just send her to a skilled nursing facility and she can have rehab there. Well, that was like to me the kiss of death, because during COVID there were so many elderly people dying in nursing homes. I was like, no, please keep her in the hospital, We'll do the rehab in the hospital. They didn't have room, they were full. So then I tried to get her into a rehab place and they wouldn't take her. They said she didn't meet their qualifications, which one of them was she had to withstand rehab three hours a day. And they said you know, an 89 year old couldn't do that. And I said you're underestimating her. She could If you give her rest breaks. In between she had already done it. She had fallen and broken her hip like three years earlier and had rehabbed that Like she could have. I just sometimes.
Speaker 1:I think, we.
Speaker 2:We don't give elderly people enough credit for what they can do. But they said, well, get her into a skilled nursing facility. And I was terrified to do that and I found one where they had such stringent measures. I felt like I was putting her into solitary confinement but I knew and felt that she would be safe. When she first got admitted they put her in basically isolation for three days until her COVID test came back, even though she had tested negative. At the hospital they're like no, we're doing our own, we have to keep everybody safe and, to their credit, they did not have any deaths. And so I felt safe leaving her there, even though I felt like I was putting her in solitary confinement. I couldn't visit her, nobody could visit her, but it was just.
Speaker 2:It was a hard time, it was, it was the pandemic. So she was there for a week and we called her and you know her siblings most of them were out of town. They would call her, they would mail her. Throughout this whole ordeal, even when she was in the hospital, they were mailing her cards and we were calling her and, you know, trying to keep her spirits up and letting her know she wasn't alone. Their rehab place was like off from the actual nursing home place they had like a separate building. So that was another reason why I felt safe putting her there. So she was there about a week and this Thursday I had like a conference call with everybody and they were sending her home. On Monday she was going to go back to her apartment and because they felt she was okay enough and independent enough, we were getting her a different bed, because the bed she had was too high, it was too hard for her to get in and out of with her pain, and so we were making all these plans and arrangements for her to go to her apartment. On Thursday we had this meeting.
Speaker 2:Well, saturday morning I get this phone call from the nursing home and they said that she had fallen, trying to get out of bed and she seemed to be fine. She denied being hurt or anything, but since she was on blood thinners, they wanted, as a precautionary measure, to send her to the hospital to make sure she didn't hit her head or anything. They said but she's fine and I said what hospital are you taking her to? And they told me I said, okay, thanks. And I got up and I trotted off to the hospital I was like, oh, I get to see her, I'll get to visit with her.
Speaker 2:So I get to the emergency room and they had me put on like we call them bunny suits and they cover everything over what you already have and they give you a mask and the mask had the screen, the face shield on it, and you know, it's like a self containment kind of thing. And they bring me back and they had me sit into the room. She wasn't there yet, she was getting her CT scan done and so I was sitting there waiting and everything seemed fine, nothing seemed to miss. And they bring her back, they wheel her in and she kind of looks at me. She looks kind of like startled to see somebody sitting there. And she kind of looks at me and she goes is that you, kim? And I said, yeah, it's me. So she recognized me.
Speaker 2:Even in all this paraphernalia I had on because of the COVID situation, she knew who I was and I was like, yes, she goes. Why did they call you? She was, they shouldn't have bothered you. She never wanted to be a bother to anybody and I was like, no, I'm glad they did. You know, we get a chance to visit.
Speaker 2:I hadn't actually physically seen you in a week and so we started talking and she was herself. She was her happy, cheerful, loving self. We were talking about her going home and, you know, the bed was ordered and all this stuff and everything seemed fine. And then she said something really peculiar to me out of the blue. She goes we have to talk to the doctor about these hallucinations I've been having. And it kind of took me back. I'm like what are you talking about? She says, well, I've been hallucinating and we need to let the doctor down and see what she can do. And I was like how long, how long has this been going on? And she, very matter of fact, like oh yes, this is another medical condition I'm having. We have to take care of it. And I was like how long has these hallucinations been going on?
Speaker 2:And she said like probably two or three days. And I go well, what are you seeing? And she said people. And like you're seeing people, that's it. And she goes yeah, and I go well, what are they doing? And she's like they're just sitting around. They're standing around and I was sitting on the left side of her bed.
Speaker 2:She goes like right now, and she turns over to the right and she looks to the right side of her bed. She goes there's a man standing there. I know he's not there, but I can see him. And I looked at the right side of the bed and it was just her and I in the room and I said what's he doing? And she said he's just standing there. And I go, what does he look like? And she said he's a young man, he's tall and thin, he has dark hair and he's wearing a green suit. And she's looking at that spot, like she's looking at something and describing it to me in detail, and I'm looking at the same spot and I'm not seeing anybody.
Speaker 2:I was like, ok, well, you know, they did a lot of medication adjustments in this past month and I'm like, well, I'm not sure medications are having some kind of a weird side effect. We'll be sure, we'll let the doctor know when she gets back. She was OK, and then that was the end of the conversation. It was very matter of fact and very you know. So we continued talking and I, nothing was amiss. She was very coherent, you know.
Speaker 2:We talked for probably another 20 minutes and then the doctor asked if she could see me and she pulls me outside the room Excuse me. And she says and the doctor pulls me outside the room and she says we have a very sick lady here and I'm thinking she looked to find me. She acted to find. You know what do you mean? She's sick and she said she had a bacterial infection that had become systemic and it was pretty bad. And she said she really only has about 10 to 48 hours left to live. And that just threw me, I mean like pulled the rug off from under me because we were planning on sending her home in 48 hours and you're telling me she's not even going to be alive in 48 hours, I was like what?
Speaker 2:Like that was hard to wrap my head around and so, obviously, as soon as she told me that everything else I had forgotten about, and I just and then the doctor's like don't worry, don't worry, we're going to put her in hospice, we're going to take care of her, we're going to make her very comfortable, I'm going to send her back to the nursing home, put her in hospice. And I lost it. I was like you can't do that. You can't do that. You send her back to the nursing home. They won't let me visit her, she'll be alone. I'm like I can't let her die alone. I just, you know, I started panicking and I was sobbing, I was hysterical.
Speaker 2:And the doctor God bless her, she was so sweet, she was like okay, she's like. When I explained to her the situation, she's like give me some time to think about this. So she goes, go be with your aunt and I'm going to figure something out. And I said I can't tell her what's going on. She's like no, no, no, that's my job, not yours. She's like just try to keep calm and go sit with her and I'll let you know when I have something, some a plant. So I did that as best I could.
Speaker 2:I got myself together and then the doctor came back and she, she told me I'm going to admit her to the hospital for observation and then, once she's admitted in the hospital, then I'm going to transfer her to hospice because at least if she's in the hospital you can get in to see her and I was so grateful to her. This doctor was like I couldn't thank her enough. She was like truly an angel that day. I was like what a blessing it was for have a doctor so understanding and caring. And the nurse comes over to me and she said the patients need support people. But you know, support people need support people too. She said call your husband and let him get him here, and I don't care what the roles are, I'm going to let him back, which is very sweet. Another sweet, angelic person that day.
Speaker 2:So, I called my husband and he immediately started. He was like blown away. He's like what are you talking about? You know, he's like she was going home. It was just so hard to comprehend. So I called my husband. He was on his way to the hospital and I called my brother and I told him what was going on and he said well, you know your husband's with you, right? And I said no, he's like, what do you mean? I'm like it's COVID, they don't allow anybody in the hospital. I had to be here by myself and so he's like I'm on my way. And I said good, I said stop and get her hot fudge Sunday on your way, because my aunt loved ice cream and she loved chocolate and she had given it up for many, many years because she had been trying to lose weight and take care of herself.
Speaker 2:And I was like you know, diet be damned at this point. Get her ice cream cone. You know so, and me not thinking. It's 930 in the morning and here I'm telling my brother don't get to the hospital until you get a hot fudge Sunday. You have to come with that. And somehow he found a place that was open, that had ice cream at 10 o'clock in the morning by the time he got to the hospital.
Speaker 2:So they allowed us to go in one at a time to be with her as they were putting her in, admitting her, and he took the ice cream in during. He said it was the funniest thing ever. She was like like a little kid, you know, with their first ice cream coach. She had it slobbered all over her and she was literally giddy about it and the doctor had told her everything that the doctor told her. So she was fully aware what was happening. So she gets in the hospital and under the hospices rules and regulations at the time you could have three people that were allowed to go visit her, but only two at a time. So there was a three of us, who's me and my husband and my brother, but we could only go in at two a time.
Speaker 2:I got into the calling everybody, telling everybody, and I have to say my aunt was very independent into the fact that she knew it was hard and so she had everything done before, like years, years before she passed. She had purchased, she had gone to the funeral home and she paid to have her cremation already taken care of. She had a legal pad of instructions for me on what to do after she passed when to scatter her ashes, a list of people's names with phone numbers to call the letter and if she passed a list of special angels that she had, which one went to her best friend, which one went to her sister? And she kept saying to me, just follow the list I have written down. That's all you need to do. I know this is hard, but I'm trying to make it as easy for you as I can.
Speaker 2:I started calling the people that I knew would want to talk to her and obviously I wanted to say goodbye to her. So once she got settled I thought we had 10 hours. So I'm like, oh my God, I don't know much time we have and I don't know much time until she starts losing consciousness. So I was like, okay, we got to get all this done Because, like I said, I'm a very goal oriented, you know, check the boxes kind of person. So I got her to talk to all her siblings and yeah but we had to do it in time.
Speaker 2:Like she, she needed time in between each person because she needed to also, like she said to me I can't bear to listen to them cry. I think it was hard for her. So, like she would talk to one person, then we would have to wait a good point of time and then she would talk to the next one and she told everyone, or her siblings and I admire her so much for this. She said I want you to know I forgive our dad, I forgive him and when I get to heaven I'm going to give him a hug. No-transcript. And she didn't say to them they have to forgive him too. She just said this is me.
Speaker 2:I've worked for years to forgive him and I have and her one sibling was like you're not gonna give him a hug when you get to heaven. And she goes, don't tell me what I'm gonna do. And she goes you're not gonna be able to find him. He's not there, he's in the other place. Yeah, so you know everybody's in their own place. But I just thought that was pretty big of her and she had already made peace with her mother. Her mother had lived a lot longer than her dad and they had made peace before her mother died. But I know this was an issue with her dad and it was important to her to let people know how she felt about everything. So she had talked to everybody. And then I was like, okay, you know, she's Catholic, she needs to have a priest, she has to get her last rights, you know. So I talked to the hospice people. I'm like I need a priest in here, I need him right away. I don't know how much longer she has. You know, we were under the gun and they said we don't really have a priest, but we have a minister. And I said I don't care, you know, any port in the storm I'll take it. So they're going to work on getting this minister here. I had called her parish and the priest wasn't available and I left a message and I kept saying please, if you have any priest, you know, please, you know, send them out. She needs her last rights. They said she has between 10 and 48 hours to live. I don't know how much longer we have. You know, please, it's an emergency. And so I kept calling and leaving messages with them and then I went down.
Speaker 2:I was in the waiting room. I left the room to let my brother and my husband be with her for a while, and I was in a different part of the hospital and I saw this gentleman who looked very religious and I said excuse me, are you a priest? I was looking, I was so desperate for a priest, and he was like no, I'm a pastor though, and so I explained in the situation. I said can you please just go talk to her in blood. And he's like well, I can't give her last rights, I'm like I just go play with her. And he was like I'm happy to give her a prayer and you know to talk with her. So he did. He's like I'm here to visit another person in the hospital, but I'll come afterwards. So in about 45 minutes he showed up and he talked with her and he gave her some prayers and prayed over her and she was comforted by that.
Speaker 2:She was still alert at this point, so he left and then about an hour or two later, the minister from the hospice came. He did the same thing. He talked with her and prayed with her until she enjoyed it. And then later that evening the assistant priest from her parish showed up and he came in and she was so happy, she just lit up when she saw him. She was so happy and he talked with her for a while and they reminisced for a while and then I left the room and he heard her confession and then he gave her her last rights and I could tell she was very comforted by this. After he left I just felt so good. I was like, oh, thank God. You know, I never thought I'd be so desperate for a priest in my life and I sat down with her and I was like how about that, aunt Ro? I'm like how special are you? I go, you have a pastor, a minister and a priest all in one day. And this was her personality.
Speaker 2:She kind of looked at me and scoffed and she goes well, you didn't get me the pope and I was like, well, believe me, if I could have got her the pope, I would have. I was like it was hard enough to get her a priest. So you know I was like, okay, this is great. You know, I checked all the boxes. You know she got to talk to all of her relatives. Her one adult daughter had lived across the country and they had been estranged for like the last five years. And even she, through a miraculous series of events, called. We got her on the phone with her mom and they worked things out and made peace and had closure. And you know she had her last rights. She had her ice cream that she loved. You know I'm like, okay, we got it all taken care of. I'm like, okay, she can go. Now In my mind I'm thinking, okay, there's nothing more I can do. Right, there's nothing more.
Speaker 2:I did everything I could for her. She was awake and coherent for two days and then she finally went and lost her. You know, I don't wanna say she was in coma, but she wasn't with us, she was sleeping or wherever she was, I don't know, but she had. We didn't communicate anymore, at least you know, talking and stuff. So anyway I was like, okay, you know, I'm ready, she's ready. And she didn't go. She lingered. My brother and I stayed with her overnight because I didn't want her to be alone when she passed. And then after two days we just couldn't do it anymore physically and so we would stay with her during the day. My husband and my brother and I would take shifts because, again, only two of us could be there at a time, it could only be the three of us. We would take the shifts throughout the day and then we would go home at night and sleep. Because the nurse said you know, some people prefer to be alone to pass. They're like maybe she's waiting for you to leave her alone. So I thought, okay, she can be alone at night if she prefers, you know.
Speaker 2:And one day went into the next, went into the next, went into the next. Amber said she had a chronic pain condition and I came in one day she was literally laying in the bed and she was just writhing in pain and like her face was grimacing. And I was like oh my God, oh my God, and I called the nurse and here they had a change of shift and it was a younger nurse. It was a new nurse who hadn't worked with her before and he didn't get her medication exactly on time and she was in so much pain and so he I was like frantic, I'm like you got to do something. You got to do something, get her a medication. He came in and he started just injecting you know all of the medications under IV and he goes okay, there's nothing more we can do, the medication will take effect in a minute. So I remember I sat next to her bed and I held her hand and I just started crying and I'm like why are you still here? You know your husband and your kids and you know your family that you love so much. They're waiting for you on the other side. I was like literally praying to her and saying, please release yourself from this painful body, you don't have to suffer anymore. And I just didn't understand it. You know, the medicine kicked in and she calmed down and she lasted another day.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, one of the things that I forgot to mention earlier is when she was still cognizant in talking with us, she would tell us that her husband was across the room. She's like, do you see him over there? And I was like, oh, where is he? And she's like he's sitting right over there. I go, what's he doing? She was like I was just sitting there waiting.
Speaker 2:At one point she told my husband she saw an aunt and uncle that she had been very, very close with and who had also passed years before, but she never saw her kids, which kind of really puzzled me. But, needless to say, another day went on, another day went on. I'm like, oh my God. And there were some other medical things that happened with her that weren't the most pleasant things and I'm not gonna go into here. But all in all she lingered on for 12 days before she passed and this was a woman that they said was gonna go with 10 to 48 hours.
Speaker 2:And even the doctors and the hospice people they're like we have no idea, we have no explanation. Had we known, we would have moved her out of the hospital to an actual hospice facility. But we really thought she was going quick and they had no idea why she wouldn't go. And it frustrated me too, because for years before this happened she would say to us she's like every night I go to bed and I say to God, I'm ready to go, I don't have to wake up tomorrow morning. And then I wake up the next morning and I thought, well, here I am okay. And she's like I keep telling God I'm ready to go. I mean like years, like five years before this. She would say this to us and she's like I don't understand why I'm still here.
Speaker 2:And I was like Ant Roe. You go to every doctor's appointment. You do everything. The doctor say I'm like, you know, like it's kind of obvious. But she was just like every night I tell God I'm ready, and here I am. Every morning I wake up and go off or crying out loud, and then she'd be like I'm not much good to people, but at least I can pray. So she would pray for people and she'd include them in our rosary. So here she is and it's time to go, and she won't go and I just I didn't understand it. You know, I was well into over a month on this. It was exhausting. It was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting for me. And I even asked the hospice people. I was like, am I being punished? You know, is this something that I did?
Speaker 2:because I just don't understand this and because I literally felt at one point that, you know, I don't want to make her death about me, but I was like I just don't understand. This is so hard and she's, why is she still lingering? And then I thought, well, did I make a mistake, you know? Did she have a chance to live? Should we? It was, there's some other medical decision I could have made. And it just got. It got to be like. You know, my one cousin actually thought she had already died and I forgot to tell her. I was like no, she's still here. And she's like you're kidding me, it's over a week. I'm like I know, oh, so she had been completely unconscious for over a week.
Speaker 2:And then my husband and I were there one evening and the nurse came in and she was cleaning her up and she said her name. And when she said her name, my hand opened her eyes and said huh. I was like, oh my God. And I heard this happens right before people are ready to go. They kind of like have this burst of energy before they leave. And I knew this, but it freaked me out because I thought, oh my God, was she alert? In a way of everything for the last week that's been going on. Did she feel that pain? Did she feel all that medical stuff that was going on with her? And I literally left the room crying and the nurse was like honey, you can talk to her, it's OK. And all she did was upset me and actually even called the hospice people. I'm like, oh my God, did we make a wrong decision? I'm like, does she know that this was going on? Did she feel this pain? I was like that was. The only thing that made me feel better is that she wasn't aware. And now she's aware.
Speaker 2:And so the next morning I woke up and my husband I just couldn't move, I was just exhausted. And my husband was like you stay home. When you say home, I'm going to go, I'll call your brother, I'll tell him, because usually my husband and I took the earlier shift and my brother would come later in the day. He goes. You stay home and relax and get some rest. I'll go be with her and I'll tell your brother, him and I can take care of this today. And I was so appreciative because I just couldn't. I didn't feel like I could function anymore at this point, and so he left and I was like I was so exhausted and tired I couldn't sleep. There we get to that point where you're so tired you can't sleep, and that's how I felt. I'm sorry. Let me back up.
Speaker 2:One of the things I did do for my aunt when she had lost her consciousness is every day I would go in to be with her. I would turn on my phone and I would go onto YouTube and I would put on the rosary, because I thought she prayed the rosary every day and just because she's not, she's still with us, and just because she's not conscious doesn't mean she can't still have it. So I would turn the rosary on every day and I would put it next to her on the pillow and let it play. There's a different rosary for every day. I'd make sure I'd find the right day. Ok, today's Tuesday, let me make sure I find the Tuesday rosary. And I made sure because my aunt would know If I gave her the wrong rosary, she would know. So I had to make sure it was the right day.
Speaker 2:So I was like I didn't want to watch the news, I didn't want to watch comedy. I didn't feel like laughing. I didn't want to. Actually, I just needed something peaceful. And so there was a movie called Fatima that was on and I was like, oh, that's perfect. Fatima is about these three children over 100 years ago that had visions of Mary over a period of time and it's recognized as like a miracle. And Mary told him to pray the rosary, ironically for this situation. So I'm laying there and I'm watching this movie about the rosary in Fatima and Mary. In the meantime my husband called my brother. My brother said OK, he's like I'll come over early and stay with you. And he said I'll be there in a bit. So he took a shower and then he started going to the hospital and he said he was hungry. He hadn't had a chance to eat yet. So he stopped at one of the diners that him and my aunt used to go to a lot one of their favorite and he had breakfast and my husband was sitting with her.
Speaker 2:And he was with her when she took her last breath and he had never been in that situation before and he was worried, he didn't know what to do and he just was quiet because he was. He heard like you can call them back and he's like I didn't want to do that. So I just sat there quietly and he saw she had a prayer book on her night's table and so he picked it up and he opened up to the book, to whatever prayer, and he said it. And then he went and got the nurse and said I think she's gone and he said I'm not Catholic and he's like I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 2:I've never been with someone that they passed before and he goes I don't know if I did the right thing and I was like what you did was perfect, it was absolutely perfect and I think that's how she kind of wanted it. My brother was having breakfast at a diner that they frequented and he associated with her and I was watching the movie about a rosary and she adored my husband and he was the one that was with her when she passed.
Speaker 1:So interestingly enough, it was right at this point in the conversation that I started to receive loud feedback in my headset. So I had to stop our conversation so I could figure out what to do about that, which took a while. But I thought it was perfectly placed because it gave Kim an opportunity to come out of such an emotional moment and find some relief. So I recorded this and I inserted it into the episode so that you could understand how interestingly time that was, and I'm sure that was help from her aunt Ro and probably many others. And I also wanted to let you know that we're going to go from a very tender moment right into conversation between the two of us. Here we go, but hold on a sec, because, just as I said, and here we go. I had the thought that this happened right around the 34 minute mark in the podcast. In the editing, the intro music has not been added yet. So I texted Kim and I said by any chance, does the number 34 or 3401, 3402, because it's 34 minutes, one second, two second mean anything to you and your aunt? And she texted back and she said OK. So the first thing that stood out to me before I even finished reading your text, 3401, was. 3 plus 4 equals 7, 0, 1. Her apartment, the one full of angels that she lived in for almost 30 years, was numbered 701. And she said I spent many, many hours there and created many memories. And Kim was 34 when she got married. She said Aunt Ro was the first person to see me in my dress. We got married in the church she attended and she asked a favor of the friar to open the gates to the rectory gardens so we could have our wedding pictures taken amongst the flowers. So these might seem like little dots to connect, but I've learned to pay attention to the subtle loving hints that they give us that show just uniqueness, perfect timing, things we wouldn't have expected or thought of. So just a little food for thought.
Speaker 1:And now back to the conversation. Okay, so I did want to mention, you know, if we just take a look back real quick, we can see how the orchestration of this, in my opinion, is really interesting. Because, even though she said I'm ready every day, for how long I'm ready unless it's suicide, we don't make that decision and she knew that. But she still expected that. Okay, if I'm ready, like, what else is there for me to do here? Can we just be done with this? And it just doesn't work like that, because that's why we only focus a fraction of our attention into a lifetime, because the bigger percentage of us needs to be nonphysically focused and participating and keeping with the timing of when we actually should go.
Speaker 1:And so her inner being, all of creation, knew what her sole intention was, knew how to get her through the motions of all of this, and so, even though she was saying, you know you can take me now not that we get taken the withdrawal didn't happen Because there was still life to be had for her, there was still experience for that soul to gain here. And so isn't it nice how things just worked out, how she was in a hospital who decided that she would. What?
Speaker 2:48 hours maybe to live and she lasted 12 days yeah.
Speaker 1:And if they had thought that through, or if it would have been a different doctor that was there, they might have decided she could live a week. Something might have been clear to them to make them see that this could be a little slow, and then she would have been transferred. So somebody just made the decision that it was around 48 hours, which, by accident or on purpose, helped her to stay where she was, so that you could be with her, so that more than one person could actually access her, and everything just sort of synced up. Everything played out when she was out.
Speaker 1:When we're in a space where we are, we can't speak, we can't carry on normal conversation. We generally are between worlds, sort of like when you go to sleep at night. So she wasn't laying there in excruciating pain and participating in this world in that physical way like she normally would have, and like she was just for a little bit there. When she came out of it, she was in that place where we we haven't totally withdrawn focus, but we have mostly withdrawn focus and even the fact that she was seeing images and interacting with people or beings. This was all helping her. This is how life helps us. Get a little closer, get a little closer, get a little closer and unravel everything that we have gotten caught up in in this life to be in that space where we can just go, where we can let go. So what was your question?
Speaker 2:Well, that was you kind of answered. It was, you know when. She was unconscious for that week. You know, was she feeling that pain? Was she did she know what was really going on? And the other thing, that about two weeks after she died, my husband and I were, you know, having a campfire in the backyard and it came back to me. I totally forgot about the conversation, about the hallucinations, and it came back to me because I felt horribly guilty. Like I said, I thought maybe I made the wrong medical decisions. You know, if only I had put her in a different nursing home, or if only, you know, I had put my foot down with something you know, it was so hard making all the medical decisions and I thought I killed her.
Speaker 2:I mean, I really felt that way, like I made a wrong decision somewhere around the way and it just went off the rails and it's my fault. And then we were sitting around the campfire and.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh my God, I remembered that conversation I had about the man in the green suit and I asked my husband, like, did you, did she talk to you about having hallucinations? And he said well, you know, she told me she saw. You know her aunt and uncle and her husband. And I said no, just hallucinations in general. And he was like no, she didn't mention anything about that to me. And then I asked my brother the same thing and he said no, she never said anything about hallucinations to me.
Speaker 2:And I thought, oh my God, what a wonderful gift she gave me in having that conversation with just me, because it helped me to think her spiritual guides were coming days before this even came to pass and it was her time. It wasn't my decision making Even though it's still you know, it's still hard to swallow sometimes it was just her time and they were coming for her and I'm so grateful she had told me that she had seen these beings and I was curious as to who the tall, thin young man with dark hair and green suit was. And at first I thought maybe it was her son, because I was so curious that her children she didn't see her children. But if it was her son she would have realized, she would have recognized them. And then I thought, well, maybe it was her father, you know, maybe he was in the service or something and that's why it was a green suit.
Speaker 2:And I asked my relatives and they said no, he was never in the service. I thought, well, it was a young guy, maybe it was my grandfather when he was young. And they said no, I was never in the service and they never knew him to wear a green suit. So I don't know who this was. Maybe it was Michael, her guardian angel, I don't know, but I just cherish and I'm so appreciative of the fact that she told me this because it does comfort me to know that it was her time. It wasn't my faulty decision making somewhere along the way.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's the thing you know, when you can't stop death, you're not going to get in the way, you're not going to screw it up. None of us have a broad enough vision, None of us are really actually smart enough in this human experience to interfere with something like that, nor should we be. If she hadn't fallen, this would have been very different. Yes, true.
Speaker 1:She fell. She was okay, but you know protocol we have to get her checked. Things would have been very different. She still would have had that infection that still would have been progressing, but it would have played out very differently.
Speaker 2:I was going to say I had asked her about the fall too, when I was waiting with her in the emergency room and I said were you weak? You know what happened? Did you get dizzy? She said no, she goes. I actually was on my way back into bed. I had gone to the bathroom. I was on my way back into bed and the sheik had tangled around her ankle and that's why she fell Something really like benign that could happen to any of us and she was mad oh, what a clumsy thing to do. But you're right, I never thought of that. If she hadn't fallen, this would have played out very differently, and that never occurred to me.
Speaker 1:It was a very divine thing to do.
Speaker 1:She was able to stay clear. She had a fall that didn't really injure her or do any real damage, but it was a very necessary next step and that's why, if we could all just learn to look at everything that occurs as life working out for me which means death working out for me too we wouldn't get upset about things. The pain and the turmoil and the guilt that you felt through all of that was from you and all of your conditionings. We're conditioned to think I have to do my best, I have to save this, I have to feel bad. There's so much stuff that's packed into our beliefs a lot that we don't even know about that.
Speaker 1:When we come through an experience like this, we make it awful, we make it sad, we make it torturous, we hurt ourselves by saying what if I could have? What if I should have? Maybe I dropped the ball, maybe I did something wrong, when all of creation is looking at us and saying, really, just play the game with us, because the game is going to be played. You don't have to be hurt by the game, but you can. You're free to feel pain if you want to, or to feel guilt if you want to, but the reason why those emotions don't feel good is because they're not a match for what source is feeling.
Speaker 1:All of creation is not feeling that, and when we're feeling it, we show the distance between the two. We show the discord, the twistedness of what we're thinking versus what's really being and what is true. So what was true? The whole way along was sure in her mind. She was good to go, she could go at any time. But her broader self, her inner workings, knew that there was just more. There was more and there's a beautiful orchestration that can happen here. That didn't just work for her, it's working for you and it's going to work for other people that hear this story. Like you said, she loved to help people, so she's in on this.
Speaker 1:Yes, definitely she's helping this to happen, and isn't it funny how things just ripple out. So she had people there to care for her. She was able to wrap up some loose ends. You guys were kind enough to stick with her religious beliefs.
Speaker 2:You didn't have to do that.
Speaker 1:But you did it because, yeah, you did it for her. You did it because you knew that was important to her. That helped that flow happen. You even played Rosary for her when you couldn't. You didn't even know if she could hear it, but the energy of it was still there. So, as her body was there, the energy of her body was sensing that, the energy of her soul was being helped to.
Speaker 1:Like I explained to you before, many people take life so seriously and get so real here that it's like having your claws dug in deep and you're holding on tight and even though you say, god, you can take me tonight because I don't really have a whole lot going on, that's not going to happen Because, without realizing it, you're so dug in here into pains and conditioned beliefs, responsibilities, even guilt.
Speaker 1:Even though she was able to forgive people for some of the trauma that she'd experienced, it's still in there and sometimes we still have a little unraveling to do, even if it's so much as to say, well, I forgive them. And what if it was my fault that it happened in the first place? Because people have been taught to think things like that, especially in certain religious beliefs. There's so much depth to who we are and how we're processing life and what we've been through, that we don't need to be the ones to figure out how to unravel ourselves or how to un-claw ourselves from this experience. You don't have to figure that out. That's being done for us and it's being synchronized very beautifully. How is it that your husband was with her? He just was the easiest one to be there.
Speaker 1:Your brother was doing what she and he did together. He was having lunch where they usually had lunch. You were watching a movie that you knew just felt good to you in the moment because it was something she would relate to. He was in their place Again, the doctors who thought she would be just a day or two eight hours, right To four to eight hours. But they were wrong, meaning she got to stay there, she had her last race, she talked to people. I mean, there was just so much there.
Speaker 2:She didn't have the coat, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she didn't have the coat, though. Maybe she has access now, if that's even still important to her.
Speaker 1:And then once, and like you said, you know, her bags were packed. She was at the train station, the train was coming, but where's the train? Why isn't she getting on the train? Because now, what needed to be done next? And this was being done during anyway, she was being prepared, she was being guided and so, seeing souls that you couldn't see, that she saw, and what looked physical form to her, I'm sure she was having conversations. And then, once she was not conscious anymore, she was being helped in many ways to just undig herself a little bit, bring those claws out a little bit more, a little bit more, loosen up, loosen up a little bit more, a little bit more. And we don't even know, we don't even need to know the details of exactly how that happened or how she was so prepared more, a little more, a little more, a little more. We don't have to know all of that, but it's just nice to know that that's what's going on, and the timing of that was ideal for her.
Speaker 1:For you, it looked like torture, it did. It looked like. Why are you keeping yourself here when you're in all of this pain? What else can we do to make this better for you, when, really what we should be. What we should be teaching each other to do is to say this is her process. We can help by loving her and wishing her as much ease as is appropriate for her soul. We're not required to suffer, but we do it all the time. A lot of people do it all the time because we have free will. So how do we help? Because we can't fix that, it's not broken, but we can help by just thinking. Thoughts even of I love you and I just whatever the best version of this is for you is where my heart's at, because I don't know enough to know exactly what is the best version for you as a soul.
Speaker 1:Because none of us are being punished through any of this. There's no such thing as a punishment or a reward system here. It's just what we are, as a soul, wanting to experience, the lenses we want to look through and, as a human, this part of the soul, what we're calling, what we're calling in, and it's going to be different for everybody there may be. She's not the only person that went through an unconscious period in them past, but she went through it in her unique way. No other soul, no other human being that will die or has died the exact same way she has. The details are always specific and uniquely brought together for each individual person slash soul, and it's always a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:It's like an orchestration that if you just stand back a little bit and you get that broader view, you start to pick up on it and you start to realize that, wow, that was perfectly placed. This was perfectly placed. Even the fact that you got so caught up in it that you kind of forgot about the delusions, so to speak, that she thought she was having, that you remembered. She helps you remember that. So here you are, having a nice evening. We can, we get inspirations when we're being easy. So there you are, around a fire with your husband just being easy, and oh, by the way, the people that she saw, oh yeah, that's right, that was her reminding you.
Speaker 1:Now's a good time for you to remember that, yeah that was perfect timing Even so, much so that you know you were feeling guilty and sad and all sorts of things about it that are painful and unknowingly unnecessary, but people are so conditioned that it happens. But what did you do? You sat with it for a little bit and then you asked right, you reached out to me and you said I'm so, but what do I do with this? Like, I don't think I should feel guilty, but I do feel guilty. I don't know if I called the wrong shots, but I don't think I did. Like it just leaves us in this confused state of am I getting this right? Did I get it right? Did I do something wrong?
Speaker 1:And I hear so many people tell me things like that, like if I just could have done this, or maybe if I, if I, if she would have been somewhere else, maybe she wouldn't have fallen, or so many, if I, if I would have, I should have been there when she died. No, sometimes, like the nurse said, no, sometimes they don't want anybody to be there. I hear people say you know, we were all there. We were all there and we just got up and went to get a coffee and go to the bathroom and we just wanted to regroup for a minute and the person died. Yeah, you just are not going to interfere with the death process. It will orchestrate itself and all the players involved perfectly, absolutely perfectly.
Speaker 2:I was speaking to one of the hospice workers and expressing, you know, did I make a wrong decision? And how guilty I felt. And first of all can I just say, god bless people who work in hospice. They are a special breed, oh my gosh. But I was expressing, you know, my feelings of like did I make a wrong choice? You know, yeah, I was feeling guilty and you know what he said to me and it kind of hit home. He said you're forgetting something. You were her medical power of attorney, but only when she couldn't make decisions for herself and up until she lost consciousness, she was perfectly capable of making her own decisions and she did. She listened to your advice, but she ultimately was the one that agreed to what happened.
Speaker 2:You only started making the decisions once she lost consciousness and I thought, oh, you're right. But it's funny because you're right. I was so caught up in the time it didn't help. I still felt guilty and upset and sad and thought, but if only I advised her differently, you know, if only there was something else I did. But when I was Eve, when I was relaxed about it, I was like you know, that doesn't make sense. That she did make her own decisions to the point where she even had like a legal pad of instructions, like step by step instructions, for me to do once she passed.
Speaker 2:The only thing she forgot to do was and I just want to tell everybody talk to your loved ones about this is she didn't say whether or not she wanted an obituary, and so I was able to talk to her before she lost consciousness Because I looked at the list. I said Do you want me to do it or not? And this is the kind of person she was like she would love this. Right now. She thinks this is helping somebody. She would be so happy because she would. She'd love to help people. And I said Do you want me to do an obituary for you? And she said she thought about it for a while and she goes yeah, I think if it'll jog some people's memories and make them happy, go ahead. And I said, okay, you know that was the only reason why she wanted an obituary was because it might help somebody you know to jog their memory about something.
Speaker 2:For other people yeah she always thought about other people and when I was you know, I said I said about her apartment and how she had angels everywhere and I was cleaning out her apartment and I just had this knowing and it was like I'm going to give one angel to every person in her life that helped her and was significant to her. It just kind of came to me. I was in the apartment by myself.
Speaker 2:And I was just like, okay, I can do that and I go. The problem was I didn't know which angel to give to who you know. So I was like, where's we're gonna have to help me on this one? And so I thought of a certain person like the building manager. I'm like which angel goes to her? And I looked around her apartment and one would stand out to me and I would take that and I put it in a bag and put her name on it. And I thought about the maintenance worker. I'm like, oh, which angel goes to him? And I look around, do you know? Every single person, not everyone, but the majority of people I gave these angels to. It was the perfect angel for them. Like the one that opened it up. I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1:Every time I visit her in her apartment.
Speaker 2:this was the angel that I would admire the most. Or when I gave it to the building manager, she's like oh my god, this angel looks just like my granddaughter and it was just amazing.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I know that was her influence on that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You know, and that's why I hope people listening will not think that any of this is a coincidence. That was a coincidence. That was none of it is. No it. Not only is it well orchestrated, but she was giving you the ideas right. Give away the angels, and then which angel for which person? That one for that one, that one for that one? And this is how well connected we are. When we are out of our physical bodies, we still can have a conversation here with people, and you were open enough and willing enough to have that conversation with her. Right, you said, aunt Ro, I don't which one goes to which person, and she doesn't have the voice box to give you or the physical body to even point to an angel, but she can send the thought, she can send the idea and the thought.
Speaker 1:And right you just follow through, you know, and for her to be. This is how you know. Every soul is a wonderful soul and takes on a different life experience here than anybody else is. And even though her and her siblings experienced very similar abuses in their childhood and the starvation and all of that, they all handled it differently, didn't they?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, they did very differently.
Speaker 1:Like you said she was. She had a loving heart. She found ways over the years to forgive and to let go as best she could. But there's still a whole lot in there. You know, between the hard times that people go through, and then you put on the sort of the religious conditionings that can be confining on top of that, and then you've just got a lot going on in this world and a lot of opinions and a lot of different things that everybody deals with. No wonder she couldn't just say, okay, I'm gonna go to sleep now and be done with this life.
Speaker 1:Some things had to occur for her to be able to just let, really honestly let go, so that that withdrawal could happen. Could it have happened sooner? Who cares, we're eternal. There's no rush. So did she. Was it delayed because she had to let go of all the traumas? There's no delay, there's just a process, and the process just ebbs and flows with us, and it just ebbs and flows.
Speaker 1:I don't think that we have one. There may be, but I don't think across the board we have one specific time and date of death. I think it's an ebb and flow and it's always a perfect, synchronistic orchestra or process that you know, if people will, like I said, listen to this and see the things that are so plainly there, maybe we'll all get easier about the death process. Maybe we won't feel so sad. We're always gonna have that. Maybe I shouldn't say always, because it locks us in, but for now we're gonna. A lot of us are gonna have that moment or moments where we just have to wrap our head around it. I was so used to having you here physically. It's weird not to have you here now. You know that's gonna happen. We are used to having certain people around us and we do think it's just gonna go on forever. And when it doesn't, it can take us a second or several to just get used to the weirdness and the differentness of that person just not being physical anymore. But the more we understand that they're not dead dead just means you leave your physical body or you withdraw your focus from your physical body. Once we really get that, it won't be such a sad experience. We'll still have that oh like I have to get used to you not being here physically anymore. However, this is a beautiful process. Let's go through this together. Let's make this as easy on all of us as we possibly can. The better we get at that, the more we will be able to just fall asleep and leave our physical experience, the more we will be able to have the easier transitions.
Speaker 1:So you know, it just takes that trust in God or source of the divine, the trust in knowing that everything is always working out for every single one of us. And it works out quicker and smoother and sweeter when we play nicer with it, when we get easy about it, when we let go of all that stuff, that heavy stuff, and know that everything is beautifully dancing with everything else. And the more we see that, the more we get those insights. Like, isn't that interesting that she saw some people that I couldn't see? Isn't it interesting, like, when we think things, like isn't it interesting that you were over there and I was over here and we were doing these things as she was passing? Yeah, you know, isn't it fun to know that she did that silly thing and fell and got hurt, but not really hurt. But they checked her out and that was a good segue to find out that she was on her way out and that she could be in a facility where family could come and be with her.
Speaker 1:Now people may be thinking too. You know, well, I know somebody I love who passed and we didn't get to say our goodbyes, we didn't get to have certain things that looked orchestrated like that. Yeah, because every death is completely different and sometimes it's not as necessary for some as it is for others, or necessary at all even, because every death serves not just the person who's making the transition, but everybody that it touches the hospice nurses, the doctors, the maintenance people at the building, the family members, everybody. We're all in this together. So all of it is for all of us and it is it's unique, you know.
Speaker 1:So if somebody says, well, my, you know, spouse just died, just all of a sudden died, if we learn to back up a little bit and look at it from a broader perspective, we will be able to see how well that's serving everybody in it. It's hard to see it when you're close up, thinking it's bad, but when we loosen up and we think, okay, where is the honey in this, where's the benefit in this, where's the even joy in this for all of us, that's when you start to see it. You know, and that's what you've been able to do is to just back up a little bit and look at it from that broader perspective and see that that was really beautifully orchestrated and it was specific for each one of you, and now every death you think about or experience with other people is going to be easier. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just thought it was pretty amazing the synchronicity of it that I was watching a movie about the Rosary and my brother was having breakfast at a diner that they frequented. And then you know, my husband was the most calm and peaceful one to be with at the time and maybe it was just. It couldn't have been more perfect on that final day.
Speaker 1:It was just very difficult and hard leading up to that final day, yeah, and you know, we can do this with every death experience. We can find the honey in every death experience for those who are willing to or curious enough to want to look for it. Because, like I said, death does not have to be this big, horrid experience that people have made it out to be. It's actually, if you think about it, a soul completing an experience Like I went there, I did that and, wow, now, what? Not? Like it's over, now, what, what's the continuation? Now, if we can look at it that way, it's refreshing, like to think about. Even, you know, people say things like oh, that person wasn't so much pain, and you know so, I'm glad that she's not in pain anymore and you know so there's that. But I'm still really sad that she went. If we would stop for a minute, think, well, no, actually it's okay, I'm allowed to say that out loud. I'm really happy that she went, I'm really happy that this experience is done for her.
Speaker 2:And I was.
Speaker 1:None of us wanted to come here forever, and so when we get easy about anything in life, it gets easier. It's that simple.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to let you know. About six weeks after she had passed, I was going to work and I was getting in my car and there was a feather on my windshield and it wasn't like trapped under the windshield wiper or anything, it was just laying literally right in the center of my windshield and I thought, oh, and I got in the car and that's when I noticed it, because it was literally my vision to drive, not completely including it, but it was right there in my face and I was like it'll just blow away once I start driving. I'm not getting back out of the car, I gotta get to work. So I turned the car on, I start driving down my street and I was going like 10 miles an hour and the feather stayed there. It didn't move and, like I said, it wasn't stuck with anything and that's kind of odd, but it'll blow off soon. Because I made my turn and I was going down the street that was like 35 miles an hour and it stayed, it didn't go.
Speaker 2:And I was like this is really odd. You know I'm going fast, it's a feather, it should blow away. You know, leaves, blow off your car, no problem all the time. And I went about a mile and I finally I started laughing and I literally said out loud, I said okay, aunt Ro, I know you're still with me. I said thank you for sending me this signal, this sign to let me know that. And no sooner did I say that I swear. The feather just kind of pulled up. It did a little loop-de-loop kind of thing, like on force-gump, and instead of blowing off to the side, it just shot straight up and it was gone.
Speaker 2:And I just laughed and it made me feel so much better because I'm like I know, I know she's letting me know. You know she appreciated everything.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what that is and it's great that you saw it and you appreciated it, because imagine you're on the other side and you're doing that nice little trick to let somebody know that you love them and you appreciate them and they go. What a coincidence. That couldn't have been her. Like I can't believe that wouldn't be her. Now, of course, they're never offended by that. They get it, but it's so much more fun when we see it and acknowledge it and appreciate it, because, like I said, the conversation never has to end and I know it's awkward sometimes for people to even think about that.
Speaker 1:How could I talk to this person? Like there's no way they're still here. Well then, you're not going to really have many experiences, at least not believable ones. But when you are open and at least curious, you'll have some experiences, because I know people who have said I'm trying, I'm trying to be open, I'm trying to have an experience. It doesn't work like that. You can't try. You just have to be open to it and just curious and then give it credit when it happens and be calm about it. Yeah, they do it in generally light ways, quick ways, little easy things, just enough to remind us that they are there?
Speaker 1:Not the bigger experiences or more noticeable experiences don't happen but the ones like the feather happen often for people or different types of experiences like that happen often for people and it would just be great if we'd give it more credit and just join with it. Join with it, have fun with it, so that we can co-create better, so that we can continue to experience each other and receive the thoughts that they're sending our way. So I love that and I love that Aunt Ro was here with us and sharing us a little.
Speaker 2:I believe she was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just knowing that if one person that hears this can let go of their guilt or their sorrow or whatever it might be, she's done her job. We've done our job. We're helping in any little way we can to help people recognize that there's nothing serious going on here on this planet. We are the ones that decide that it's serious. If we can look at a fall, a silly fall that we make, as the next logical step that has to have honey in it, then we'll start to see the honey.
Speaker 1:She didn't assume that was a bad thing, she just went with it, which was really good, but most people would think, oh no, she fell.
Speaker 1:That's terrible, I'm gonna sue somebody. That should not have happened, when, if we would just recognize that there's honey in it, just don't decide that it's a bad thing, because then you're gonna get some stuff that doesn't feel good and turn up well. But when we think, okay, I don't know why this happened, I don't know what this is here for, but it has to be something working out, we'll see it, and then life gets easier for anybody willing to. You know, look at life through those lenses, because we get to do it any way we want to while we're here, and our life is what we say it is. The more we know that, the better it is for us. So, thank you again. We're gonna send this out there to anybody who has ears to hear, and I just appreciate you sharing your experience and your thoughts on it too, and your question Of course, if it could help anybody, I'm happy to share my experience, and I know Aunt Ro would too.
Speaker 2:She would want people to know her story if it helped them.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks, aunt Ro. We appreciate it, even though she's not.
Speaker 2:Aunt Ro anymore.
Speaker 1:She's a whole lot more than the Aunt Ro that you knew here, so much more. So, thank you, and for those of you who want more information or have a question, you can find me at mysticaltruthcom.