When a Loved One Passes

The passing of someone you love changes you.

Whether the passing is recent or years old, grief has a way of raising questions that don't always have easy answers. It can leave us searching for comfort, meaning, and a way to keep moving forward while honoring the love we still carry.

In this episode of Where's the Honey?, we explore one of life's most tender experiences. Together, we'll look beyond the pain—not to invalidate it, but to gently look for the honey that every experience holds, even grief. 

Inside this episode, we explore:

• Finding comfort without rushing the grieving process
• Seeing love as something that continues beyond physical presence
• How asking, "Where's the honey?" can help bring moments of peace during life's biggest changes

If you've experienced the passing of a person or pet dear to you, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone—and that even in grief, there can be moments of light worth noticing.

Your Likes, Follow, Subscribe, and Shares are noticed & appreciated. 

HoneyinEverything.com
rebecca@HoneyinEverything.com

A big TY to CreativeCommons.org
Audiorezout. 14.Be Happy.mp3
for the music. 

Transcript

Where Is The Honey In Death

Rebecca 0:03

Yeah, so where's the honey when someone you love is here one minute and then just not? Death is an interesting thing. Because here's a body animated with their personality, and then not. They seem to be gone. The body seems to be empty, and it pretty much is. I believe, as souls, we focus a fraction of our attention through the physical body to have this physical experience. We get used to the wiring as we're in the womb, even. Isn't it just a miraculous thing that we animate this body? We learn how to maneuver in it, and we do that, for some people, for a long, long time, and then we withdraw. Because we really care about each other here, we've made death hard and depressing, very, very serious, and it kind of makes sense, right? There's a reality of a really big change that just happened mostly for the people here, but also for that soul that exited or is done with this physical life. So for us here, because we don't have all of the answers, we don't understand, "Why now?", or "Why did you die that way?" "Why was it so fast?" "Why did it take so long?" "Couldn't I have done something to change the outcome of that?" That's why we don't make the ultimate decision about when we go, unless it's suicide. We're free, we can do that. So what I'm getting to is we have, out of our love for the people that we care about or the pets, we want it to keep happening, we want it to keep going. We want to decide when this is done and in which order we leave. So my question is, does it need to be so hard and heavy? Can we put a little honey perspective in here? Some sort of soothing. Is there any sweet stuff about the end of life? And that's just physical life. I don't believe we die. We have, I believe, a lot of proof about that. So I don't think that even needs to really be a conversation here. So could we find a way to take something that is so sometimes shocking, if it's fast, if it's sudden, if it's what we call tragic, it's hard to wrap our brains around it. It's hard to find the honey right away in that. We have that question of why did it have to happen like that? Why did it have to be so fast? And then if it's long and drawn out, especially if it's painful and long and drawn out, we may feel a little relief for that person because they're not in that difficult body anymore. But we may have resentment, we may have anger, we may be confused about it. There are just so many emotions around every which way that death happens, that I think if we're going to really survive the rest of our life here without misery and sorrow and guilt, we have to be honest about the fact that this is just the way things are here. Everything is temporary. And on this human level, we generally are not the deciders of that. Even when it seems like we are, because we're just not going to stop death from happening when it's going to really honestly happen. Funny things just occur or aren't there or are there to make sure that that means of exit is met for that individual. And if something happens and somebody doesn't die, it just wasn't their day to die. I see this all the time. It's become easier and easier for me to see. If it's your day to die, it's your day to die, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It may be very unliked, it may be very confusing. We think nobody deserves to die, or nobody deserves to die that way. Well, honestly, we all deserve to die. We all deserve to be done with this physical thing that we're doing here. This is a big fickle world. As much as we have an instinct of survive, (that's what keeps us here), honestly, I don't think any of us could truly say, I want to stay here forever. So, since this is a thing, in showing us that everything is temporary, we can be tormented by it, or we can find some kind of relief. At the end of the day, if we can just make our peace with the fact that we don't have to like the circumstances around it, but it's up to us to choose what we do with it, how we navigate it. Self-talk is important for everything we do in life, especially when it comes to this topic. If we say, I lost my child, that hurts because it's not really true. We didn't lose that soul, they're just not in a physical experience anymore. We don't have to like that, we don't even have to agree with it, but this is the way this world works, and that's why I say we have to find some honey in things that hurt or that are so far against what we wanted, if we're going to not torture ourselves for the rest of our lives. So, what do I mean by find the honey in things like this that just hurt and can be really hard? I mean, to remind yourself that everything is temporary, that there must be a reason or reasons why things are set up like this. There must be some kind of good for the soul who has finished this acting job, so to speak, is done with his or her part in this play and has exited

Rebecca 6:45

and is onto something else, onto something new, onto more. We can find a way to feel good about that.

A Father’s Curiosity About Dying

Rebecca 6:52

I think I've mentioned in a past episode that when my father died, I was just out of high school. And he said to me at some point before that, because he was curious about life and all kinds of things, and he said to me one day, "You know, Rebecca, I'm in no hurry to get there, but I just can't wait to die. Like to to really find out what happens. What's it like? What do we do? Where do we go? How does this work? And I said, "Yeah, I get that. That is interesting." And then a few years later, he died. And that was upsetting. But I remember it didn't take long at all, and I'm sure because he reminded me, I remembered him saying that. And I thought, oh, he's having that experience now. He's answering those questions now. Life is answering those questions for him now. What's it like for him now? I was excited for him. I was curious for him, and I was relieved because I knew that's something he really looked forward to someday experiencing, and I do too. I think it's a little easier for us to feel okay about it. Although, people still ask, are they okay? Are they happy? I've never had an experience or picked up anything from the other side that says to me, no. It's always yes. But what about us? We're the ones still here, grinding our way, hopefully not grinding, but often grinding our way through this world, and then having to stand there and figure out how are we going to continue now. Because this has been a really big change, even if it's a pet, it's oftentimes not a whole lot different. We love them, we want them to stay, but one of the reasons they come here is to show us how temporary life is. And we can find our honey by recognizing that 'this is just a thing'. There was nothing else I could do, there was nothing else I should have done or could have done, I would have been interfering, and that is impossible. When it's truly time for an exit (we can even honor that) that something is orchestrating all of it. So we can let ourselves off the hook, and then we can be honest. Yeah, this is very different, not having that loved one, whether it be a person or a pet or whatever. It's a change. And the closer you were to that person or pet, the more your routine has changed. Pretty much everything seems to be affected by that. So do we let it destroy us? Do we let it make us angry that this is just a reality of life? Or can we find a way to say, I don't like this and I am upset, I will get over this. I'll get past this. It may never make me feel good, but I'm strong. I'm obviously still here for a reason or reasons, and little by little I can remember the good times. I can understand bad times happen, and that's okay. We don't have to carry guilt from that. This is how we dig in deep here in this world. It's how we learn, it's how we expand, it's what we came for. We came for the good, bad, the ugly, and all the other stuff. Because we expand, we help eternity be eternal by having the never-ending experiences that happen here. There's always more and more and more and more and more. We help eternity, especially by finding ease and finding a way to soothe what's real.

Signs And Staying Connected

Rebecca 10:46

And I found that the sooner we can talk ourselves into remembering the good times, remembering what we liked or loved about that person, being curious about are they around me now? Can I get a sense of them now? The sooner we do that, not only the sooner we feel better, but the sooner we can sense that connection. People say, I get signs. Yeah, we do. Take them. Don't doubt them. They think of very creative ways to let us know that we're not alone and that they're still there and very much a part of our lives, very interested, but from a whole different perspective, a much broader perspective. Once we're not fully in a life experience anymore, our soul is a whole lot more than the personality we don while we're here. These personalities have struggle in them and they have quirks in them and all kinds of things that we intended them to have, making sure this was an interesting journey. So I tell people, think of all the really good, sweet parts that you knew about that person or pet's personality. That's who the soul is, but a whole lot more than that. Way more than that.

The Two Lanes Of Life

Rebecca 12:09

So, in order to go on, pick your lane. And I'm referring to an analogy that came to me while I was working with a man who is now passed, in which I saw these two lanes. He loved to drive, so I'm sure that's why the analogy was perfect for him. And I said, John, you know, life is like two lanes with a dotted line down the center. On the right side of the road is everything you personally like, love, enjoy. On the opposite side of the road is everything that you don't like, love, or enjoy. Just you, because it's different for everybody. We're born on this road like a swirling ball of energy, and we're gonna go. We're going down that road, and it's windy and it's twisty. There's no brake pedal, there's no steering wheel. The only thing that dictates where you're at on that road is what you're thinking and what you're giving your attention to. When you're in that left lane, it doesn't feel good. That's how you know which lane you're in. When you're in the right lane, it feels good. That's how you know you're in that lane. Your emotions are your guide, your emotions are your indicator. When you are in the lane of things that you love and enjoy, you get more of that because you're in the energy of where these things reside, where they be. When you're in the other side, you're in the energy of the things you don't like and you don't want, and you will keep getting more of that. We wanted both lanes. We wanted the contrast there, because we get real clear, or at least we can get clear about what we do want, what we do like when we're in that not feeling good lane. So it's okay. Things are going to get your attention, you're going to go into that lane, get your clarity, decide what you do want instead, or what could possibly be better. And you'll gravitate back over into that right lane. Just by what you're thinking, just by what you're giving your attention to, by what you're believing, that's it. That's all it takes. And that's also all it takes to get you back over in that left lane. So we tend to go back and forth, which is good. We intended that. The idea is when you get into the unwanted lane, self-talk your way out of it. Self-think your way out of it, because you're the only one that can do it. You're truly the only one that can do it. You can hear me talk about it all day long, but I can't do it for you. I can't insert it into your life. So when someone you love has passed, find any feel-good thoughts you can, because that's what they want for you. They want you to find those thoughts. They want you to gravitate back over into that right lane. And this I know because you can ask yourself the question: If I died and they were still here, how would I want them to go on? Would I want them to mourn me and be miserable and suffer just because we shared part of a life experience together? Would I want them to feel responsible or guilty about it at all? You know you wouldn't. You love them. You want them to be happy, you want them to thrive in that right lane. And that's exactly what they want for you. That's why when you get into the left lane, it feels bad. That's feedback from all of creation saying to you, it does not need to be hard. You don't have to suffer. We don't agree with your thoughts right now. We don't agree with what you're giving attention to, we're not seeing it that way. There is honey, there is honey, there is honey, there is honey, even if you take a little teeny bit at a time. You don't have to rush the honey. You don't have to hurry up and steer yourself back over into that right lane. Find any little bit of honey you can.

Honey In Small Steps Over Time

Rebecca 16:20

And that's why when people say things like, well, maybe God needed this person, this soul for something else. Or people say, Well, God takes the good ones. I don't agree with that. I think at our soul level we're all good. And yeah, there are other things for us to do. I don't think there's a God that plucks people out. I think that we as souls have a bigger thing going on here. We know what we're coming into, we are excited about the challenges, and we know in some lifetimes, we're gonna dig in deep, and we'll get some of the best honey out of that, in experience and wisdom. And we take it all with us, all the good. There's no taking it, it's just all with us, and that's why we're so excited to leave, too, as a soul. I like to refer to being an actor. The life here is like being an actor. If you want to be a really, really good one, you're not gonna take all the easy parts that are just like the last one you did. You're gonna mix it up, you're gonna want to dig in, to really sink your teeth into some challenging roles. Well, it's a watered-down kind of explanation of what I think we're all up to here as souls. And, actually, don't we appreciate people and pets more once they've passed? It's not hard to find some honey in who they were, or how they laughed, or how they maybe even argued with you sometimes. We can find things that we didn't even like about them and appreciate them and think, wow, I miss that. That's a compliment. So we can appreciate, we can understand that this is a new beginning, it's a change, it's a different future for you, and it's a different future or change for that soul. On to more. You can say to them, "I miss you so much. I'm gonna do the best I can in your honor to move forward in as much ease as I can find. And I will let it get easier and easier because that doesn't mean I don't love you. It means that I love you so much that I'm gonna keep talking myself over into that right lane as often as I can. I miss you so much because you meant so much to me. You affected my life in a way that I wish we could have done this longer. But I'll find a way to go on. There are multiple ways. I will pick as many right lane ways to go on as I can. And I know you have my back on this. I know you're encouraging me, I know you're paying attention. I look forward to any sign you can give me to let me know that you're still paying attention. So, in your honor, I will go on and I will do well."

Rebecca 19:19

So, can we grow to a state where exiting a physical experience can be smooth? Maybe no trauma? I believe we can. We know there are people who just literally leave their bodies. Can we get to a state where we celebrate death or understand it better? I think we're getting there. So if you're still questioning why somebody is not physically in your experience anymore, or if at some point, or maybe I should say when, because it will happen, we'll all have the experience of at least a loved one not being physically present in our lives. So when that happens, maybe come back and listen again, or just remember, which lane would they want me to be in as I go forward? Because if I'm in the right lane, they know that I love them and that I love myself enough not to suffer.

Dark Humor And Wider Perspective

Rebecca 20:31

And since this is such a serious topic, I wanted to end with something from the far side, because yeah, death is a big deal, but it doesn't have to be a big hairy deal, I don't think. The far side was a series of Gary Larson cartoons, which are very entertaining. But this one I came across that says, um, well, first of all, the picture is of a bunch of vultures standing on a rhinoceros who has passed. And one vulture looks at the other and says, "You know, just think. Here we are, the afternoon sun beating down on us, a dead, bloated rhino underfoot, and good friends flying in from all over. I tell you, Ed, this is the best of times." Now, the reason why I shared that is because it's perspective. It's all perspective. It's how we choose to look at the moment. Maybe the rhino's family misses that rhino if animals do such a thing. The the rhino is still dead, still not in that body anymore. The body is now useful to other creatures. Even we can take our body parts and give them out to other people after we die to enhance their life. So, perspective. I know the other side, just like the creatures on this planet, does not look at death the way we do. They see it as an in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out.

A Pet Loss That Solved A Problem

Rebecca 22:18

I'll give you a quick example before I go. I had this beautiful cat, big white, adorable, shiny blue eyes, sky blue eyes. I always said if I could clone this cat, I'd be a billionaire. Everybody wanted him. His name was Ralphie, and he was just some kind of adorable. My first grandson was learning to crawl. And also, we were just finding out that he's allergic to cats. Ralphie's litter box was in the basement, and I would leave the basement door open a little, and he would just paw it open, go down, use the litter box, come back up. Good deal. I didn't want the litter box upstairs. So it worked out perfectly until we realized the baby's now crawling. And I'm thinking, what are we going to do? My daughter & her family were living with me temporarily as well. And so, we're going back and forth. How are we going to do this? We can't even put a doggy or cat door or whatever through the door because the baby could crawl through it. I really don't want to bring the litter up here, but if I have to, I will. ...we'll figure it out. Suddenly, Ralphie gets sick and dies. And I thought, well, that's not the solution I was going for. But that's exactly what happened. And I honestly know that the cat itself wasn't going, "...well, you know what, guys, I hear what you're saying. I'm just going to check out.", bu t the grander scheme of things found the easiest, smoothest answer for that. Well, here's a solution. And out he goes. And we think, well, hold on, don't be dying for this. I mean, geez, we could have figured something out. That was one solution. It wasn't one that I wanted or even liked, but I understood it.

Share The Message And Stay Sweet

Rebecca 24:12

So if got anything from this that you think somebody else can benefit from, please share it. . And of course, Like and do all the things that keep a podcast afloat. Until next time, you can find me at honeyineverything.com. And if you have any questions, any thoughts you want to send me, please email rebecca@honeyineverything.com. Stay sweet.